


What He Wouldn't Give

by TheQueen (NotTheQueen)



Category: The Iliad - Homer, The Song of Achilles - Madeline Miller
Genre: Achilles in prision, Character Play, Eventual Fluff, Heartbreak, Hector is not a good person, M/M, Modern AU, Rage of Achilles, Revenge, some voilence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-20
Updated: 2015-10-20
Packaged: 2018-04-27 05:38:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5035927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NotTheQueen/pseuds/TheQueen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Achilles and Patroclus are each others worlds. They've lived and loved together for a progression of many years. Through heartbreak and tragedy, college and family, they've survived. They're each others weakness and each others happiness. Many people know of the connection Achilles and Patroclus share, but one is willing to use it to destroy one of the pairing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What He Wouldn't Give

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fanfic in this fandom, so please, be kind. Thoughts are always appreciated. Enjoy. ~

Slender, adept fingers ghost across the chiseled words within the marbled structure protruding from the soil. Blunt fingernails scratch at development of moss upon the structure, and a mild sense of frustration buds in the male. However, there is no one but himself to blame for the absence at the site and a lack of care.

 

Achilles’ blonde strands are wind mused and untamed, kept longer than in previous years. Times of denial, deprivation and depression had insured the unkempt appearance of the aesthetically pleasing male. His muscles remain toned and his flesh maintains the olive complexion given at birth, but the rest of Achilles’ beauty has slowly deteriorated. Times of sorrow never lead to a dazzling individual.

 

“I’m sorry, Patroclus. I am so sorry. My incapability to see reason, to realize the error of my arrogance and selfishness, being the reason you remain here. This,” Achilles pauses his statement to gesture in the direction of the structure located before him before continuing lowly, “Is on my hands. Your shed blood stains my hands, and mine alone.” As words leave Achilles lips, emotion is laden with the words.

 

Tears are unshedable, having made a promise to himself that the droplets would not mar his cheeks in the presence of the loved. Achilles realizes the fault in his responses. To avoid viewing the other after the consequences of his acts is not only unfair to Patroclus, but Achilles as well, never providing himself with the proper timing to grieve the events. Anger had been consuming and veiled the eyes of the individual, preventing the clarity needed to address the situation to be aroused.

 

‘Patroclus Menotiades,

July 15th, 1991 to December 19th 2014

“Family, friend, brother. Aristos Achaion.’

 

Aristos Achaion, because Patroclus would forever remain the best of the them. No matter any argument voiced against Achilles' logic. Perhaps no one else was capable of realizing the worth of the man, but Achilles always had. Patroclus was not just another victory, another individual won over with the infamous charm of Achilles. Patroclus offered Achilles the change to attempt to change from the playboy image gifted to him by society and the reputation of his family. Patroclus was the calm in the eye of the storm that is Achilles life. If only Achilles had informed the other more often, if only he had shared his feelings more often, perhaps Patroclus would have truly known the extent of Achilles' feelings for him.

 

The words engraved in the cool surface of the stone leave a void within the emotional portion of the male standing before the marble slate. The stone is all that remains of the beloved; of the individual Achilles valued more than life itself. Days are not capable of passing to which Achilles does not recall the tanned flesh of his intended. Days do not pass that the soft umber of Patroclus’ eyes nor the soft cleft of his chin are not recalled, and desired desperately to be beheld once more.

 

Achilles has vocalized aloud many a times that the one request he would request with a dying breath would be the sight of Patroclus a final time; a final moment to feel flesh beneath his fingers and to hear the soft whisper of the other’s breath against the contour of his ear. What Achilles would give to feel the soft flesh of Patroclus’ fingers intertwined with his; to cherish the lightly calloused pad of Patroclus’ thumb ghosting across the toned flesh of Achilles’ abdominal muscles. Achilles promises, he would give anything.

 

“I am sorry, Patroclus. I am so very apologetic. I would have been here, I would have shed tears for you as you were lowered into the ground, I promise you. Revenge was more important at that time. The one thing I regret is the time I missed, the last opportunity to offer my love to you. Know there is not a day I do not regret. After that, there is nothing I would take back. For you, it would be done once again in an instant. You were the _Aristos Achaion_ , Patroclus. If only it had been realized sooner.” Gradually, the volume of Achilles words decreased until the final syllables left his lips in a mere whisper.

 

Achilles observes the stone again, noting the engravings. His requests had been met, undoubtedly carried out by the doting father than the callous mother. Achilles’ father served to be more of a parent to Patroclus than either of his own, to which aroused the curiosity and concern; had either attended the funeral held for their son? Had either of the late Patroclus’ guardians loved their child enough to let go of previous differences in order to offer their child peace at his final resting time? Achilles doubts the prospect greatly. Patroclus father had never taken too kindly to the prospect of such a kindred spirit as his child.

 

The characteristics Achilles had come to adore Patroclus for were the very things Menoetius had abhorred, had desired to change about the child his wife had borne to him. The lack of interest Patroclus had displayed in athletics enraged Menoetius; despising the artforms Patroclus was interested in using to express himself. The interest in academics over the business ideals his father presented and pushed. The kindness, the gentle soul, and the loving devotion were all characteristics Menoetius was determined to crush, though he remained unsuccessful to the very end.

 

A breath is exhaled through his nostrils before Achilles gracefully lowers his stature, shifting to sit upon the hard surface of the ground beside the grave plot. Pelius had granted Achilles his wish with the proceedings of Patroclus funeral, Achilles is certain, but he knows his father would have rarely returned to the site of the burial. It would not be because his father was not of a mind to adore and love Patroclus, but the death of such a soul has never and would never sit right with any individuals of the community.

 

Even within the confines of his cell, Achilles is aware of the whispered words; the blame and the judgemental figures. Patroclus’ death was only met because of association with Achilles. Had Patroclus not been the figure of Achilles' devotion, his blood would not have been shed and color would have remained in the olive cheeks of the mild tempered male.

 

Achilles seemed to spend a great time wishing, wishing for things to have been different and to be different. Among those desires was that Achilles had been a better man and have been capable of determining Patroclus would have been safer without his affection rather than with it. Perhaps then, Hektor would have maintained his distance; perhaps then the male would have not sought revenge on the innocence. Perhaps if Achilles were a better man, Patroclus wouldn’t have bleed out, wounded and alone while waiting for the arrival of Achilles; Achilles, who always promised the beloved his protection.

 

Achilles manages to adjust the position of his body, a harsh cough makes it way up his throat to be expelled from his lips. His palms are elevated to allow the base of his hand to rub harshly against his eyes, deterring any moisture from spilling.

 

After an extended moment of silence, Achilles allows a hoarse laugh to part his lips before he offers in means of explanation, “I was in prison, Patroclus. Fourteen years, I got out early on good behavior. Parole for a long while into my future and a permanent mark on my record. I’d do it again, Patroclus; for you, I would do it all again, I promise you.” The words are the best offering Achilles has to explain his reasoning for not visiting the resting place of the late intended. The words are the best Achilles can use to explain why he committed the crime he had; why he had allowed bloodshed to spill over his hands and why he had taken the life of the man who had taken Patroclus’. For the moment, it is all Achilles has.

 

The light breeze feels cool against Achilles’ olive toned flesh, causing his skin to prickle lightly. The chill in the air is not enough to force him to rise and depart from the location. The turn of the season isn’t enough to deter him. Achilles his fourteen years of visiting to make up for; fourteen years of apologies and promises to present.

 

Instead of making a single motion to depart, upper limbs coil firmly around Achilles upper body as his eyes skim the rows of neatly aligned headstones over the graveyard. The view before him invokes a memory, drawing a mild laugh from Achilles lips before he offers to the void that should be Patroclus sitting beside him, a void that if he concentrates hard enough he can see the other individual smiling back at him with unruly curls of raven strands and a mildly crooked grin.

  
“Remember that time freshmen year? When we thought it would be a brilliant idea to make off for the graveyard, see if we could conjure any of the dead?” Just like that, Achilles is lost in the retelling of a story to the only remnants left of his beloved.

**Author's Note:**

> The date of Patroclus' birth on the gravestone is also significant because it makes him a Cancer in Zodiac signs, which are believed to have characteristics I believe would suit Patroclus. Some of those traits are the dedication to friends and family, courageous and protective, and shy. Hope you enjoyed. ~


End file.
